Trollando headcanon brought on by the funny facial expressions on this Nick Haw(t)ley GIF set:
Dude was a High School All-American and went to Marist College in Poughkeepsie on an athletic scholarship. He was the Marist Red Foxes starting QB freshman year and would have been scouted by the pros until a career ending injury crushed his dreams. It was particularly hard for him because he loved the school’s fight song something fierce:
Marist, Foxes, We’re on the run.
Up hill, down hill, having much fun.
We lure our every foe,
Into the Red Fox hole. Rah! - Rah! - Rah!
Scratch them, tear them, rip them a part.
Offense, Defense — right from the start,
We have no fear for our Red Foxes,
They’ll fight on to Victory.
He considered joining the French Foreign Legion because he thought it was a school for international superheroes but balked at the 8 year commitment. Nick ended up getting an online degree in archaeology from Atlantic University (they advertise in the Village Voice) and set up a website to market himself as an archaeologist for hire. It had seemed like a good idea after that 5th shot of Cuervo Gold when Temple of Doom was playing on the Spanish channel.
Since he was not technically inclined, he had a hard time driving views to his site or landing any clients even though he was using the cutting edge social media platform Friendster to get the word out.
Broke and destitute, he started drinking excessively and eating peanuts right out of the shell even though he had a mild nut allergy. All seemed lost until the day he got that e-mail from the mysterious Hotmail account from someone looking to procure his services to retrieve a most unusual item.
And so it began…
Hard not to love Trollando Headcanon.